If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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