that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
