He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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