Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
