im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
