I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
