I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
