She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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