I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's never too late to be topless.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
