Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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