I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize