hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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