I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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