Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
