I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
