so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
