My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
