Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
