When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
