I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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