i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize