i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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