Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
