I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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