I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
