dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
