Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
