dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
