You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
