my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
