She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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