chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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