i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
