there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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