people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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