Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
