sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
