Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
