I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
