took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
