I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
