You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize