I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
