ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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