you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
