Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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