He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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