Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
