i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
