you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
