Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
