I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
