You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
