I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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