shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
