Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
