kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
soo... how was my night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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