Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
