i don't like sucking hair
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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