Who did Billy Mays play for?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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