the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
