DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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