Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
