Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
