Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
