youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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