I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
