My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
