New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
