Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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